Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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