Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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