Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
