I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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