2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
