Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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