Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
