I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
