after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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