his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
