You really coming over, don't trick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
