The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
