he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
