The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
