Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
