I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
