I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
