but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There's always time for handjobs
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
