The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
