So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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