You made me cry and you don't even care
i just wanna soil my oats bro
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
