Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My life is pants optional.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
