Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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