Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
