my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
