dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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