I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
