i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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