I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
