I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Who did Billy Mays play for?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
