This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
