The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
