I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
