I'm going to rape someone's good day.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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