I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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