If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
