My balls are so social today.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
