She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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