did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
