i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
