ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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