My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
