no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
