Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
