I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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