I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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