1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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