I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
