How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
