I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
