Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
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